Sooooo I (Reanna) have a very serious yet strange confession to make. I make this confession in the hopes that I can help others. I will inevitably make jokes about it throughout this blog but please know this really is an issue for some.........I do not go to the bathroom specifically #2 in public places or in peoples homes. I am not afraid of germs, falling in the toilet or not having toilet paper....I am afraid other people will know what I am doing. They might hear me, see me or THE WORST smell something.
I vividly remember when it started. It was 1986, I was sitting at my desk in Mrs. Sieg's 1st grade classroom at Thompson Elementary and I had to go #1. When I say I had to go I REALLY had to go! I mean squirming in my seat, bouncing up and down, braided pigtails smacking my in the face I am moving so much, had to go. I had begged my teacher to let me go to the bathroom 3 times before she annoyingly let me go! I was wearing a long sleeve multicolored striped shirt under a pair of purple overalls that day and when I finally made it to the bathroom I couldn't get the overalls unhooked so I pee'd my pants. I remember standing in the stall PRAYING a teacher would come; it felt like hours before one found me. They didn't call my mom...instead they cleaned me up and put me in spare clothes they had for situations like that....needless to say I came back to class in a multicolored striped shirt, someone else’s undies and a brown skirt. EVERYONE knew what happened and my fear was born. 
Fast forward to today, I have no fear of #1 (forget the fact that in public I wait to pee until everyone leave the bathroom or at least until everyone that was in there when I got there is gone, then I hurry to be the first one done so no one sees me leave) but I will never NEVER go #2 unless I absolutely have no choice. Not at work, not at most friends and families homes, not at Kevin's when we were dating and certainly not in a public place with multiple stalls. I will wait until I am in the safety of my own home, I will go at my parents home, a few friends homes and one time I locked myself in the bathroom at my old office for 30 minutes but that's it....until today.
I was in a local bookstore (if you live in my town you are no doubt appreciating my James Bond attempt at hiding the location) with Kevin hoping to spend our fabulous Christmas gift cards. I had worked my way to the WWII section and the urge hit me, now normally I would collect Kevin and we would immediately leave for home (have I mentioned my husband is amazingly patient and understanding) but this time the urge HIT ME! I was stuck, it was either crab walk to use the restroom there or go in my pants when I got to our car which was clearly not an option for a 30 year old woman (ok to I contemplated it for 2 seconds but you know I would never). As I made the long, awkward, clench cheeked walk to the bathroom which is quite logically near the children's book section I realized I was really going to have to do this and I needed a plan.
Here's how it went down, I will warn you I am talking about bathrooms and #2 so please read at your own risk. I arrived in the stall or as I now call it the O. K. Corral and prepared myself. (Please insert spaghetti western intense moment music here) First I waited until the bathroom was empty then I flushed (noise to drowned out everything else in case someone came in), sprayed body spray (yea I know not going to help but I was desperate), #&^&^$^&#^&^ (I don't have to tell you), flushed immediately, finished up, flushed again, washed my hands and bolted. Once I was out of the bathroom and in the store area I looked around immediately for any signs that someone knew what I did. Feeling triumphant I began looking for Kevin so I could tell him I had over come my fear.....I looked in the computer section, magazines, cookbooks, he had disappeared. I called him on his cell, no answer I redialed 3 times and FINALLY he answered me and said in his booming voice "I was in the bathroom going #2 and didn't want to answer, meet my by the self help books".So that was my day, how was yours?
